Hopeful

We were planning on waiting a little bit longer before we announced our big news, but my friend accidentally let the cat out of the bag on Saturday night to people around here and I have been getting some questions. Haha.  It's okay Jen, we still love you!

We are expecting baby #3!

 Due July 2013:)

Most of you know the history of my pregnancies and our babies, as well as the history of our losses, which is why we chose to not tell everyone for a little while, at least until our chances of loss significantly dropped.



On Friday the 14th we had our first OB appointment where we found out everything was going as it should be.  We got to see our precious baby via ultrasound (it was the kind the DR just wheels in, so it was not great quality) and we saw her/him moving around like crazy and a beautiful strong heartbeat.  Obviously we are not out of the woods yet (you never really are) but the chances of this baby staying get better everyday.  We had considered possibly announcing our news this day....but after Friday's horrible tragedy, we knew it wasn't the right time.

Things are going as expected so far.  For me, being miserable is a good sign....which is what I am currently experiencing.  With the girls I had pretty much every negative symptom and side effect of pregnancy possible.  (With all of my miscarriages, had very little pregnancy symptoms).  So far, this pregnancy is lining up with my pregnancy with the girls, which includes all day sickness, vomitting, large amounts of stomach acid (what I eat or drink does not make a difference), acid reflux, and extreme tiredness (as well as some other issues that are too embarrassing to mention).  And to top it all off, it is still continuing to get worse by the day, even as I near the end of the first trimester.  As much as it all sucks, it is all a good sign that baby is still there. (And yes, I am on medications for the nausea and the reflux...they help some!)

We have a long road ahead of us still and we are trying to look forward and not back.

And just to be clear...we told VERY FEW people.  Seriously, very few.  If you were not one of the few that knew, please do not take it personally.

Along with not telling people, I have definitely pulled away from most people since our loss in early September, so I have been keeping more to myself. Some of it is on purpose, but most of it is, what I think, my own mind's way of coping. This is totally not like me.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a very social person.  But looking back, I know I did the same thing when we almost lost Jordyn at birth.  I avoided phone calls from family even.  I was too much of an emotional wreck to see or speak to anyone.  If I am not around people, I don't have to worry about talking about things I do not want to talk about at that time, and things can be more on my terms.  There are very few people that I feel comfortable enough to just let everything out.  These people accept me for who I am, and know exactly what I need, when I need it.  I can say whatever I need to say, no matter who stupid, whiny, or selfish it sounds, and I know that I am not being judged and they will still love me and show me compassion just the same.  They know that is not who I am, and it's probably crazy hormones talking. These people know who they are and how much they mean to me.

With that said, I am so blessed with so many people who love and care about me and my family, ...near and far, and we feel blessed to have all of you in our lives.  We appreciate your love and prayers, especially these last few months.